As if being a single mum is not hard enough, we all know that one day we are going to have to face the idea of our babies calling another lady the dreaded words ‘step mum’
The word itself is horrible, I hate saying it and reading it. why can’t it be something along the lines of ‘daddy’s girlfriend/wife/mistress/slut’…. Come on, we were all thinking it! It just sounds so cold and unwelcoming, like they don’t really want to be in your child’s life, but they have no choice, and you have no choice but to put up with it.
But if you are anything like me, it wasn’t the fact that my ex had moved on and found someone else, hopefully not as amazing as me. It was the thought that everyone would think that she’s my babies mum!
I would play over and over in my head images of the three of them, walking around doing family things that should of been part of my life. I would think of the ‘step mum’ pushing my buggy with my baby in it, and everyone thinking how cute they were as a family.
Even though I had these thoughts which made me feel like a jealous person, I always stayed strong and put them to the back of my mind.
I told myself that I am his mum no matter what and he will always love me as his mummy.
It got easier as time went on and I do believe that the older your child the easier it is to let them go. Part of me thinks that’s because they can speak out for themselves and let you know what they have been doing.
It has taken its time and a few ‘step mums’ but I can now honestly say I love the fact my son has another role model, figure to look up to in his life. I think it’s important that he grows up seeing what a relationship/family should be like with his daddy and step mum and vice versa with my partner and I. I think it’s important to allow him to make his own judgements and decisions. I know that his dad wouldn’t let any harm come to him, so she must be decent, and he himself would not want to go with her if she wasn’t nice and kind to him. (Probably bribes him with sweets)
To stop yourself from becoming a crazy, overprotective mum, which none of us want to be it’s vital for our own sanity to just… Let them go. (For a few hours…2 nights max!)
It’s honestly not all that bad in the end, you just have to have the patience of a saint which skill you will have already acquired as being ‘mum’, when your child constantly talks about their time with said ‘step mum’ and what they all got up to. Being told what she ate for breakfast and what she did that was amazing, which you could obviously do better with your eyes closed.
The reality of it, it’s lovely that someone else can care for and love your child and your child gets that extra bit of love and protection in their life.
It must be hard work being a step mum and we don’t put ourselves in their shoes enough, thinking too much about our own insecurities.